Elena Prokopets
People don’t quit bad jobs, they quit bad managers. Unfortunately, 82% of bosses have landed their position “accidentally” — they’ve been promoted without getting any extra training on managing people effectively.
Loads of things come out of that. Your boss may be not great at communicating their expectations, managing priorities, or even talking to their teams at all.
So how would you react when your boss ignores you? Let’s unpack this.
What Does It Mean When Your Boss Ignores You?
The honest answer—it can mean almost anything. Your boss may be elbow-deep in other priority work or going through some personal issues.
Don’t immediately assume the worst. Here’s why a good boss ignores you:
- They have too many conflicting priorities at this time
- They’re dealing with an unsustainable workload
- They’re taking on extra responsibility from a colleague
- They’re dealing with some health issues or family problems
On the other hand, if you’ve been noticing a consistent cool down towards you over time, rather than a sudden change, there may be other factors in play. There may be a more deeply personal reason why your boss ignores you. Perhaps they feel threatened by you because of their own insecurities. Or your boss is treating you differently with the cold shoulder because you’ve inadvertently wronged them or didn’t quite meet their expectations.
At any rate, you should always be the bigger person and try to diffuse any brewing tensions.
How to Deal with a Boss Who Ignores You
When your boss ignores you consistently, the best thing you can do is initiate a conversation. This often requires courage (and a bit of a pep talk) because of unequal power dynamics. But it’s the only right approach to resolving the issue.
Request a face-to-face or video conversation as it would help you better pick up on the social cues and body language to understand their position. Let’s go through several possible scenarios for such a conversation.
When Your Boss Ignores Your Messages
A couple of answered Slack messages or emails are no big deal. Everyone, even your Marie Kondo-level boss can sometimes fall behind on their workload. If your question is urgent, send a follow-up message or call them.
But if this behavior has become consistent, there can be a very different reason why your boss ignores your messages: They may be testing you. Perhaps, they’d want to see how you could cope with tasks outside of your wheelhouse on your own or demonstrate leadership skills as a sign of your readiness for a higher role.
So take another look at your unanswered messages: Were they trivial? If so, get the issue solved on your own or obtain information through other means. Was it something more crucial to your work and your performance? In that case, you might want to sound an internal alarm if the behavior becomes constant. It might mean you being ostracized — and that behavior shouldn’t go unaddressed.
My Boss Doesn’t Talk to Me About My Future
“My boss is ignoring me every time I try to discuss my career prospects, opportunities for promotion, or negotiate a salary increase” — a lot of us have been in that situation. Perhaps you’ve been broaching the subject at the wrong time or in the wrong circumstances.
The best time to ask for a promotion is usually around the end of the year when your performance reviews are in. It’s also when most companies do budget planning, so your boss will have better visibility into what the business can afford to pay.
Another good time to lead career talks is after delivering on a major project or milestone. It allows you to shine new accomplishments and capitalize on the ‘high spirits’ everyone’s having.
Lastly, remember that this should always be a private conversation. Your boss is in their right to ignore you if the company discourages salary conversations among employees.
My Boss Doesn’t Accept Any Feedback
There are quite a few things you’d like to have differently, but your boss plays deaf every time you’re making suggestions. Once again, this may be the question of where and how you’re framing your ideas.
If you’re giving your boss feedback in public, especially in front of their peers or seniors, they may treat this as an attempt to upstage them — and then hold a grudge.
Your feedback should also come across as constructive, not diminishing, passive-aggressive, or overly critical. To get heard the next time, try the 4A feedback framework from Netflix.
When giving feedback:
- Aim to assist. Feedback is venting — it should rationalize the change. For example: “If we could have more 1:1 meetings, I could better understand which skills I need to develop and improve my performance.”
- Be actionable. Explain what the person should do differently. “Your presentation could be better if it included fewer different fonts as I saw the audience struggling to read some subheads.”
Similarly, when accepting feedback:
- Show appreciation. Don’t get defensive or say sorry. Instead, ask yourself how you can objectively consider the message and act upon it.
- Accept or discard. While you should listen to all feedback, it’s your call to implement or ignore it — and so is your bosses’.
My Boss is Avoiding Me in Person
In the worst-case scenario, your boss may be physically refusing to share the room with you. That kind of behavior (if prolonged) is absolutely immature and quite unacceptable. Try getting one-on-one with them to ask what’s going on.
If they continue to ignore your requests and stay lukewarm on other communication, consider escalating an issue to HR. They may offer to mediate the problem with your boss or, if the behavior persists, offer you a transfer to another team or department.
Conclusion
Sometimes superiors ignore employees for perfectly inconspicuous reasons like a hectic workload or mental fatigue. But as soon as the ‘cold-shoulder’ attitude becomes too frequent or starts interfering with your work, speak up. Approach your boss for a private chat — and if they continue with their ways, consider bringing the problem to the higher-ups.
