Workplace ostracism is the experience of being ignored, excluded, or otherwise avoided by others at your company. Ostracism can manifest in a number of ways, from being left out of important meetings and social events to being passed over for promotions.
Feeling constantly ostracized and humiliated at work can feel more depressing than open harassment, psychological studies have found. Yet, proving such behaviors, especially if they’re systematic, can be really problematic.
So how do you know that you’re being ostracized at work and what do you do to make the situation better? Here’s our advice.
6 Strong Signs You’re Being Ostracized at Work
Not all workplaces cultivate a cheery environment of comradery. Some companies promote a more competitive, individualistic culture, whereas others just don’t invest too many resources into corporate wellness.
If that’s your case, you may be wondering are your suspicions have merit or if you’re just overreacting. Since workplace ostracism is often mixed up with gaslighting, it can be hard to tell for sure. But if you’re consistently noticing these six signs, your hunch is right!
1. You Face Social Rejection Often
Social rejection can come in many forms. Your boss or upper management does not openly communicate with you and you aren’t included in any important company decisions. As a result, you feel devalued and unimportant at work.
Your peers don’t act any better. In most cases, you’re spending your lunch alone at your desk. No one Slacks you with some quick insider jokes or talks to you during coffee breaks. You feel surrounded by people, but never part of any group. That can be mentally taxing.
2. You’re Getting Silent Treatment
Silent treatment is one of the most common signs of being ostracized by co-workers. People intentionally ignore comments during group talk or make you feel invisible by avoiding eye contact. Some may even act as if you’re not present in the room. This can be a very hurtful experience, which results in self-blaming.
Most of the time, ostracism isn’t your fault. Even more so, if you’re a person of color. A recent study of US workplaces found that as many as 66% of POC employees have received silent treatment, while 45% are left out of meetings.
3. You Feel Professionally Undermined
Another tell-tale sign of being ostracized at work is that others never back your ideas in public. Some colleagues may even try to undermine you directly by leaving you out of conversations, not giving you credit for success, or openly scheming behind your back with others.
If this happens on the peer level, you’re likely being overlooked for promotion and never receiving positive comments from your superiors. You shouldn’t stay in such a workplace for too long.
4. No One Seems To Be Happy In Your Presence
It seems everyone is treating you strangely, even though you haven’t done anything wrong. Conversations get hushed. People avoid eye contact. Some can outright leave the room or otherwise avoid being around. The worst part? Such incidents happen all the time — and you appear to be the only person who’s subject to such treatment.
Eventually, such behaviors can really get under your skin and you even may consider rage-quitting your job. That’s a valid feeling (but not a great career decision). Several studies say that ostracism is as — and sometimes more — harmful than open harassment.
5. Your Achievements are Overlooked
Being a lone wolf is already had. Even if you’ve achieved great things, if you’re not part of the “in-crowd”, your successes may go unnoticed.
The best way to deal with this, for the time being, is to remember that your self-worth is not contingent upon the approval of others. Your accomplishments are your own and they are not diminished simply because others refuse to recognize them.
6. You’re Career Development Stalled
Unlike others in your company, you’re not getting opportunities to attend new work events, complete extra training, or go to conferences. Your last performance review was ages ago and your boss shows no intention of talking about your career goals.
There may be other factors at play for this, but if you’re also experiencing some of the other signs of ostracism from this list, this is your cue to start scheduling new job interviews.
Is Ostracism Illegal in the Workplace?
No, ostracism at work isn’t illegal, unlike other actions like racism or gender-based discrimination. But it’s undeniably a toxic workplace practice, which harms you psychologically. Many organizations try to curb such behaviors, but the problem is that deliberate ostracism can be harder to prove, especially if it’s been systematic. That said, you do have some options to fight back!
How to Deal with Being Ostracized at Work
The first obvious, but challenging step, is to try and correct your own behavior. Make a last-ditched attempt to build a better rapport with your peers. Acknowledge that your relationships haven’t been great and ask if you could start anew.
Chances are that some people have been giving you the wrong treatment because you made them feel threatened, undermined, or upset in another way.
Yet, if that doesn’t help and you’re still feeling ostracized at work because of colleagues’ actions, try this:
- Talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through to get emotional support
- Bring the issue to your boss and see if there is anything that can be done to improve it.
- Seek professional help if the ostracism is affecting your work performance or mental health.
If you are being ostracized at work by your boss, on the other hand, try this:
- Keep a record of the ostracism cases and document any incidents
- Talk to other colleagues to see if they’ve experienced the same issues
- Schedule a conversation with HR and discuss the problematic behavior with them
Finally, don’t let the experience undermine your self-esteem for good. Keep doing what’s required of you. Then refresh your resume and start applying for better jobs!
it’s my boss and she is HR. she used to be my very dear friend then she started treating me like her enemy. her family owns the company , it’s not a good situation.
Oh my… I am in the exact situation at my workplace. I’m sorry you are experiencing that.
Its really a sad feeling to be in such a stressful environment and then carrying the emotional baggage all the way home
God knows what happiness other people get in making a person feel this way . Its so painful to go through all this specially in your new job . In my old job everything was ok and I was always involved in every discussions and share awesome bond with my colleagues but in this nee place they seemingly ignore me and over hear what I tell and avoid making eye contacts in group discussions.. In personal they wish good morning and so but never include me in any discussions or crack jokes. Its too draining mentally I dont know how to overcome this
My manager and operations assistant are always in personal conversations at work this includes bitching about other employees, talking personal problems, talking about everything and I am there whole time like I am not there in the room. They never include me in any conversations , they don’t even look at me whole day like I don’t exist. There are only 3 of us the whole time and I feel like I am stuck between those two. I talked with my HR as well but after that they are making too much new sense in office rather than stopping it. I really don’t know what to do about this situation. I am getting this silent no eye contact treatment from last 4 months now.
people complain about being ignored and excluded etc. How about YOU – Yes YOU – take initiative and start talking to people first, start inviting them for lunch first, start smiling and saying ‘Hi’ first. Do all those things and more and see if people respond with interest and in kind.
I started smiling at everybody i see at work. I catch their eyes and then smile! They ALL smile back, it is fascinating! And oh so healing too! Start with baby steps today, start smiling and see how it makes you feel.
I’m the person who enters in everyone’s payroll, and the only one who hasn’t received a pay increase. The CEO had me moved into a big, dark office completely alone, removed from everyone, with no one to talk too. A third of this office is mine and the rest is for storage. The only time she shows me any regard or kindness is when she approves other people’s pay increases, knowing I will be the one who has to update the employee files. My boss, pushes blame off on me when she does something wrong or forgets to do something. I am confronted with accusations of mistakes I made. More often, they are mistakes she made. I was given a less than satisfactory review, even though, I am here everyday. If I have appointments, I will stay late and make up the time I’ve missed. I do whatever I am asked to do. If I try to get away from my desk for a few minutes to engage in conversation with my co-workers, my boss hunts me down. So, I stay at my desk. It’s terrible, I can honestly say, that I have not done anything to merit this treatment. I am kind to everyone; do my best to learn and do my job well. I don’t know. I’ve tried to make sense of it, and just determined that there is something wrong with me. I am in my mid-fifties, and not young like those around me. I remind myself all the time that I am thankful to have a job, but even that can only last so long. I can’t talk to anyone about it, because my boss doesn’t want the limelight off of her; the CEO is against me, obviously; HR, and all the executives treat my boss like she walks on water. She can do nothing wrong, and I have no recourse. It’s a shame, and where I am located is destitute of any good paying jobs, so for now, I am stuck. Thank you for allowing me a place to vent. I appreciate it.